Whatever Love Means Read online

  “It’s true, and you know it.”

  “Did your brother, Brody, put that nonsense in your head?”

  “He didn’t have to. It’s written all over your face.”

  “Girl, you are bat-shit crazy.” He tugged on the waistband of his jeans as he stood up. “I love you like a sister, but right now you’re pissing me off. I think I’ll get up a game of horseshoes.”

  “You know I’m right.” Liza shouted as he walked away. “Go ahead, deny it.” She wouldn’t give up. “You’ll regret it if you don’t say something.”

  Chapter 5

  Friday night the Brass Rail was hopping. A local country band was on stage, every table was taken, and Travis was deep in a pool game with Darla’s brother, Jamie. He knew Maggie wouldn’t be behind the bar tonight, what with her rehearsal dinner going on at the Brookfield Country Club, which suited him fine. She was the last person he wanted to run into after their blow-up yesterday morning. Liza had put that ridiculous notion in his head that Maggie still loved him and it had been dogging him all day. Pregnancy had made her delusional. As soon as he had closed the garage, he’d headed straight here for something cold and mind-numbing.

  “Your shot, Travis.” Jamie picked up his beer as he studied the ball placement on the table.

  “I don’t think I have one.” He stood beside his rival, sipping his beer, while he planned his next move.

  “How about the four ball? You can make that shot.”

  “In your dreams. But here goes.” Travis rounded the table, lined up his pool stick, and tapped the white ball. It ricocheted off the side and knocked a striped ball in the pocket.

  “I knew it.” Jamie stuck out his hand, and Travis gave it a slap. “Why the hell do I even play with you?”

  “Quit your damn whining. You can still win this one.”

  “Yeah, right.” Jamie took a drink and walked to the end of the table.

  “Hey, Jamie.” Holli slinked by Jamie, dragging her nails across his shoulder, and continued her cat-walk toward Travis. She wore a tight, red V-neck which showed off her best assets, stiletto heels, and a pair of jeans so tight it looked like she’d been poured into them. Travis quickly lost interest in the game.

  She reached the end of the table and stood close to him, scraping her nails down the length of his back. “What’s up, cutie pie?” she whispered with a side-eye glance.

  “Just teaching Jamie a thing or two about pool.”

  “Nice. How about you teach me a thing or two back at your place?” She giggled and leaned into Travis.

  “That could be arranged.” He bumped his hip against hers and went to the center of the table. He could end this game in two shots, but decided he’d already won with an invitation like that. Besides Jamie’s ego needed a boost. Travis leaned over the table and purposely missed the ball.

  “How the hell did you miss that?” Jamie clapped his hands and bent over for his winning shot. “Luck must be on my side tonight.”

  Nope, it’s on mine. Travis smiled at Holli and drained his beer. He’d come here tonight to drink away his nagging thoughts, but had been given a better antidote in the form of a sultry, ready-to-go blonde bombshell. She wasn’t what he wanted tonight, but what he needed.

  * * *

  An hour later, Travis lay in his bed watching the ceiling fan spin overhead while Holli ran her slender fingers over his chest and nibbled his earlobe. They’d barely made it in the door to his apartment before they were half-naked and she was straddled over top him. The girl was on fire, and he did his best to keep up, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. Only wearing a lacy bra and skimpy panties, all of Holli’s maneuverings couldn’t take his mind off one thing—Maggie’s wedding tomorrow.

  This was all Liza’s fault. If she hadn’t put that Maggie still loves you bug in his ear, he’d finish what Holli was so valiantly trying to accomplish, but he didn’t have it in him tonight. His thoughts were stuck on Maggie—dammit. Would that woman ever stop haunting him?

  Despite his best intentions, his mind was elsewhere, and there was no point in trying. Holli apparently had picked up on his mood. She flopped down beside him and tucked her head on his shoulder.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “Great, why?”

  “You’re quiet is all.”

  “Just enjoying the moment.”

  Holli purred like a kitten and rolled on top of him. She braced herself on her elbows and cupped his face in her hands. Her breasts rested below his chin as she ground her pelvis against his belly. She kissed each eye, his nose, and then wiggled her tongue against his lips.

  He’d had enough. He wrapped his hands around her arms and pushed her away.

  “You’re not okay,” she said, readjusting her bra straps. “What’s up with you?”

  “Just been a busy week. I’m beat.”

  “I hear you. The salon was crazy busy.” She flopped on her back and tugged the sheet over her chest. “I think every woman in Highland Springs came in this week. Kate, Darla, Maggie—”

  “Maggie?”

  “Yeah, she was in yesterday. Got a trim and highlights. And we tried out a few up-dos for the wedding tomorrow. I’m supposed to meet her at the church at eleven-thirty to do her hair.”

  Travis had heard enough. “Are you hungry?” He threw his legs over the side of the bed.

  “Not for food.”

  “I was thinking about ordering a pizza. Want some?”

  Without waiting for an answer, he pulled his jeans over his boxer briefs and padded on bare feet into the kitchen, blinking at the bright overhead light. He called in an order for a large pie and then pulled a beer out of the refrigerator. He leaned against the kitchen sink and stared at his reflection in the dark window.

  What the hell was the matter with him? A hot babe was in his bed, ready and willing, and he was thinking about another woman—the one he really wanted. But that ship had sailed. Years ago, Maggie had walked out with his daughter, and there’d been no going back. Why couldn’t he be content with the way things had turned out? Although they fought like cats and dogs, Maggie had never monitored his time with Carly and had included him in every holiday and event. They were family. Wasn’t that enough? He needed to move on.

  The perfect person to help him do that was in the other room. Brody constantly nagged at him to get serious with someone, find a partner and plan a future. Holli was single and fun and sexy. They didn’t argue, and she didn’t bitch about his workload. No kids or ex-husbands to deal with. Life would be easy with her. Maybe with time, he would forget Maggie and be happy with Holli.

  She cleared her throat as she came into the kitchen, and he turned around to find her fully dressed.

  “I’m going to go.”

  “You can’t leave. I just ordered a pizza.”

  “That’s okay. I’ve got to get up early tomorrow.”

  “No, come on.” Travis pulled out a kitchen chair for her and grabbed another cold beer. “Sit down. Let’s talk.”

  Holli sat on the offered chair, tucking a leg beneath her bottom. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “I’ve been thinking.” Travis pulled his chair close to hers and took one of her hands in his. “I’m sorry I wasn’t too focused in the other room.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “Had a lot on my mind.”

  “I could tell.”

  “So, here’s the thing. We’ve been seeing each other for a while. We get along great. Definitely compatible in the sex department.”

  “What are you trying to say, Travis?”

  “Let’s get married.”

  Holli snatched her hand away like she’d been burned and jumped to her feet. “Married?”

  “Yeah, what do you think? We could leave right now. Catch the next flight to Vegas. Say our vows as the sun comes up.”

  “Travis, are you crazy?”

  “Yeah, sure, call me crazy. Let’s do it. What do you say?”

  Holli backed away, her mou
th hanging open and her complexion pale. She shook her head as she side-stepped toward the door. “I can’t marry you.”

  “Already married?” Travis chuckled.

  “You know I’m not.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “You’ve still got a thing for Maggie.”

  “Bullshit.” He stood up and shoved the chair beneath the table. “Where the hell did you get that idea?”

  “Trav, seriously, everyone knows. You’ve never gotten over her.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  The pizza delivery guy picked the worst time to knock on the door. Travis crossed the room, brushing his shoulder against Holli’s, and jerked the door open. He wasn’t in the mood to be cordial. He grabbed the pizza box, slapped some money in the poor schmuck’s hand, and slammed the door in his face. The pizza flew across the room like a Frisbee and landed on the table.

  “Maggie and I have been divorced for fifteen years. We have a kid. That’s where it ends. Got it?”

  “Hon, listen to me.” Holli laid her hands on his shoulders, trying to get his attention. He really didn’t want to look into her baby blues and listen to her crap. She was supposed to have said, “Yes, let’s get married tonight.” Instead, she was shutting him down.

  “Okay, maybe you no longer love Maggie.”

  “I don’t.”

  “But can you honestly say you love me?”

  His back went rigid as reality shot through him. Love. He hadn’t really considered that when he’d asked her to marry him. Holli at least deserved love.

  “I’ve never been married, but I’ve had plenty of relationships. I know what I want.” Holli dragged her hand down the length of one dreadlock. “I want a man who puts me first. Thinks of me the minute he wakes up. And I’m the last thought on his mind as he goes to sleep.”

  “I can do that.”

  “No, hon, you can’t. You’ve got too many distractions. The garage, Carly, helping out your friends . . .”

  “So? What’s wrong with that?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with that. You are the best guy I know. But you don’t love me.”

  “You can’t say that.”

  “Sure I can. It’s true. And it’s okay. I’m not in love with you either.”

  “Nice way to kick a guy when he’s down.”

  Travis returned to the table, slumped in a chair, and took a long pull of his beer.

  “Travis, babe, don’t beat yourself up.” Holli followed him across the kitchen and curled onto his lap. She draped one arm around his shoulder and cupped his face in her other hand. “We both knew from the start that we were just having fun. Right? This idea to get married is reactionary.”

  “React-a-what?”

  “You’re just sad because Maggie is getting married tomorrow.”

  “Not true.”

  “Travis.” She placed both hands on either side of his face and forced him to look squarely at her. “Stop. Please. If you don’t want to admit it to me, at least admit it to yourself. It’s okay. She was your first and will be your last. She’s the mother of your child. Just because it’s been fifteen years doesn’t mean that those feelings have gone away.”

  A sharp sting prickled his eyes.

  “You need to tell her. She has to hear it from you before she marries Buddy.”

  His throat closed up, making it hard to speak. “I can’t,” he whispered.

  “You can. Must. I don’t know what she’ll say or do when you tell her, but my gut says she loves you, too.”

  Holli’s pretty face blurred. He blinked a few times to clear his vision.

  “But, what if—”

  “You’ll never know until you try.” Her thumb brushed his cheekbone. “Babe, you’ve got this.”

  He swallowed deep and placed his hands over hers. “What about you?”

  “I’ll be okay.” She pressed a soft kiss to lips. “Holli Beckman always lands on her feet.”

  She pushed off his lap and crossed the room. The door closed softly behind her.

  * * *

  After a fitful night, tossing and turning, pacing around the room at four in the morning, and having terrifying nightmares near dawn, Travis peeled off the covers and climbed out of bed. Liza’s and Holli’s words had run circles in his head all night. Maggie still loves you. How was it possible? All she ever did was bitch at him about one thing or another. She picked at him about every little thing. She’d gone from one man to the next without taking a breath. None of that behavior signaled she still loved him.

  But what about him? Had he ever shown her he still loved her? He bitched and picked right back at her. Maybe if he’d shown a little kindness over the years, she would’ve warmed to him. None of this made sense.

  One thing he knew for sure, he had nothing to lose. If she laughed in his face, at least he would’ve released the beast he’d been holding inside and could maybe move on. Knowing definitively that she didn’t love him would set him free.

  He glanced at the time—nine o’clock. She was getting married at twelve-thirty. He had time for a shower, a hearty breakfast to give him strength, and could be at her house by ten, before she left for the church. If her answer was yes, they could start again. Rekindle the love they had felt for each other all those years ago. Maybe even have more babies, and build the family they had dreamed of having. Neither one of them would be alone, but with the person they were meant to be with. If her answer was no, at least he would know where he stood, and she could still make it to the altar on time.

  * * *

  Right on schedule, Travis pulled onto Main Street and headed out of town toward Maggie’s place. She lived near the community center in a brick rancher he had helped paint. In fact, he’d done most of the renovations on the house when she’d bought it. Maybe all the times she’d asked for his help had been her way of spending time with him. There were plenty of other guys in town she could’ve hired. Hell, any one of them would’ve fallen all over himself to help her, but she had always reached out to him. If it was true that she still loved him, why hadn’t she said so?

  As he turned onto Maggie’s road, he spotted clusters of tall, purple irises blooming along the berm. She’d always loved the colorful, fragrant flower. It might cushion the blow if he came bearing gifts. He pulled his truck to the side of the road and grabbed a pocket knife from the glove box. All was quiet as he circled behind his truck and squatted down to gather a handful of flowers. His confidence was building with the cutting of each bloom. Liza and Holli might be right. Maybe Maggie did love him. He hated to turn her world upside down, today of all days, but if there was a chance they could be together, he had to take it.

  He stood up and arched the kink from his back, counting the flowers. He was one short of a dozen, so he walked a couple of yards away from the truck to another colorful clump, and bent down to cut one last flower.

  He couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she opened the door and found him standing on her porch, holding a bouquet of her favorite flowers. She might actually faint, so he better get ready to catch her. A chuckle rumbled in his chest as he caught sight of a hawk flying low over the treetops. Shifting the bouquet to his left hand, he dug his phone out of his back pocket to take a picture.

  This was going to be a good day. Something about the flowers, the bright sunshine, and even that hawk in the tree gave him a feeling of hope.

  He held the phone up to the sky and zoomed in on the bird. Then a loud noise broke the quiet.

  Squealing tires.

  Grinding gears.

  He turned and found a car barreling down the hill.

  Coming straight at him.

  Electricity jolted through his brain, telling him to jump.

  And then . . . nothing.

  Chapter 6

  The room was stifling. Maggie, Carly, and Riley were gathered in a space off the church sanctuary reserved for brides and their attendants. The strong smell of roses and hydrangea tuc
ked inside the bouquets was giving Maggie a headache and making her nauseous. Her wedding dress strangled her around the middle, and Holli had pulled back her hair so tight that her scalp ached. Between the sickening flowers and Carly’s flitting around like a butterfly and friends popping in with sappy well-wishes, Maggie wanted to puke. She lifted the sash of the heavy window and sucked in fresh spring air.

  “Here, take your bouquet.” Riley stuffed the mound of flowers in her hand. “The photographer wants to take a few pictures.”

  “I can’t.” Maggie shoved the bouquet back at Riley and hung her head out the window.

  “Are you okay?”

  “It’s too hot in here.”

  “I don’t know how to cool it down, but I’ll open a few windows.”

  The breeze helped dry the beads of sweat that had sprinkled Maggie’s forehead. She refused to pat it dry for fear she’d ruin her makeup. Not only had Holli styled her hair into an elegant up-do, but she had applied her makeup to perfection. Unlike the last time, Holli hadn’t mentioned Travis. Maggie was grateful for that. She didn’t need any reminders of her first husband, especially today. Today she was getting married to a wonderful man.

  She had finally relaxed and allowed herself to have a good time at last night’s rehearsal dinner. All of her aches and pains had subsided, and she awoke this morning feeling rested and excited for the next chapter of her life. She and Buddy had had a few minutes alone last night, and she knew she was making the right decision to marry him. He would make her very happy.

  “Hey, Mom,” Carly called from across the room. “Buddy dropped this off.”

  As Maggie pulled her head back into the room, she noticed a police cruiser drive by. Officer Pete was probably checking out the goings-on at the church. There was little to no crime in Highland Springs, especially on a Saturday morning. She turned from the window and found Carly holding out a small box wrapped in light blue paper with a white bow.

  “What is it?” Maggie shuffled across the room and took the package from Carly.